"Dense Forest"
Saturday evening my daughter called me. After a brief hello she told me, "Go to the basement, now." Now? Why? was my response...and then she told me, "Tornadoes in the area." Now you have to understand that we live in suburban Chicago, and tornadoes are not a part of our weather here. But I obeyed, casually gathering the dogs and some reading material and walked down to my son and his wife's apartment in our walk out basement. A moment later and the power went out and as we looked a huge tornado formed just beyond our tree line. Later we found out it was 1/2 mile at the bottom. It quickly moved to the east rather than the north, praise God, and moved around our house. But the sky was dark, the wind menacing and all of it was a bit terrifying. We found out later there were 5 tornadoes in the area. So I expected the Lord to speak to me in pictures about storms. He didn't. But He did speak to me about a dark threatening situation. I pray that it speaks to you as well.
Picture…I saw myself in a very dense, thick forest. There were so many trees towering above me that I couldn’t see the sky. The sunlight just filtered through the leaves, keeping the forest floor dim and even gloomy. I looked around me, and all of the trees looked alike. There didn’t seem to be any path, and I had the feeling that I was really quite lost. In concern and just a bit of fear I asked the Lord, “What on earth is this place?”
Hear…the Lord say, “This is the place of your concerns. It’s the place where you’re concerned about this need and that need, about this problem and that problem, about this situation and that situation. When you focus in on your needs, challenges and pain; you will find yourself in a very dark place, a very confusing place. There is no way to really figure it all out. You will be always and forever lost.” Seeing the desperation lingering in my eyes He offered, “Here let me help you.” Then He lifted me up above the darkness of the forest trees and I could see for miles. I lifted my face to sun to enjoy the warmth of its rays and it felt like a hundred pounds was lifted off my chest. I could breathe again and there was a thrill of excitement coursing through my veins. I asked the Lord, “What is this place?” With a chuckle, He stated what was becoming obvious to me, “This is my perspective. Relinquish your concerns, needs, problems, and challenges and begin to look through my eyes. I have a clear line of sight, and I will share my vision with you. And those things that are so dark and troubling to your soul will be as nothing because you will be able to rise up above them. It will no longer have the impact to tug at you and to wrap you around in its darkness.
Consider: Obviously we need God’s perspective.
Pray: “There are times, Lord, when it feels like everything is closing in on me. There are times during the night season when it all feels so hopeless. The hopelessness is like a dark weight upon my soul and I just can’t see anything good happening from all of this. I know that at such times I should begin praising you and asking to see things through your perspective, but it’s like I don’t want to. I can’t tell you why; I just know that I don’t even want to try to praise you. I don’t want to pull myself up one more time. I’m confessing this to you, because I want to ask you for your forgiveness. Forgive me for allowing myself to sink into such despair. Forgive me for focusing so much on all that’s wrong that I neglect, until it’s almost too late, to focus on what is right…You! I admit that I need your help. I can’t do this on my own. Help me now. I know that I love you; I just don’t know how to focus on you right now. I don’t know how I’m going to praise my way through this. Help me. This much and this much only do I know right now. I know that I love you; I know that you love me. So I’m just going to rest in that love, until you help me to lift up my eyes above the difficulties and discouragements. I trust you. In Jesus Name, Amen.”
Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. My soul is downcast within me; therefore I will remember you from the land of the Jordan, the heights of Hermon — from Mount Mizar. Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers have swept over me. By day the LORD directs his love, at night his song is with me — a prayer to the God of my life. I say to God my Rock, "Why have you forgotten me? Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy?" My bones suffer mortal agony as my foes taunt me, saying to me all day long, "Where is your God?" Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. Ps 42:5-11 NIV
"English Garden" - Three Lessons
I love the spring, I love summer. Why? The green, that is why. Living in Chicago makes me appreciate green grass, fragrant flowering trees, and delicate roses. I also enjoy gardening, helping things to grow, getting dirt under my fingernails, and emptying my mind of problems to focus on God's creation. Perhaps that is why I feel compelled to share these word pictures with you today. I hope that you are blessed or helped through them. This is a long posting, but when you are done reading it, I hope you'll to go out and "smell the roses." Or at least, take a walk through God's beautiful creations, emptying your mind of troubles and filling it with thoughts of Him. Much love...Picture…Before me were massive ornately carved wooden double doors. I walked up to the doors and pushed them open. I don’t know by which I was more surprised, how easily the doors seemed to open or the beautiful scene that the opened doors revealed. Before me was such a delightful English garden, that it almost looked like a scene in a fairy tale. I stood in awe for a moment before the Lord led me to a maze. Just as in England, the maze was created with hedgerows. But what made this maze different was that there were very big drop-offs on both sides of the path, very dangerous drop-offs.
Hear…Stunned, I asked the Lord, “What is this? Walking such a path would be perilous. It kind of takes the fun out of it.” The Lord explained, “This path represents the very narrow walk that my people must walk. Some children allow the enemy to veer them to the right; where they believe that it is all up to them. They act as if it is their responsibility to get things accomplish, like it all rests upon their efforts. They begin statements with ‘I have to do this’ or ‘I have to do that.’ They act as if everything will tumble to a stop if they are there to take care of things. They don’t even realize where their overdeveloped sense of responsibility it taking them, into very dangerous territory. My purposes cannot be accomplished when it is all on their shoulders. It limits what I can do. But it also causes them great harm, as it is a very imbalanced way to live. It will lead to breakdown of their emotional and physical health as well as the relationships in their lives. Yet there is also dangerous territory to the left, where the enemy has convinced them that it is all about God. They think to themselves, “When God gets ready He can use me. I’ll just sit here and wait until God does His stuff. These people never get ready so that I can use them. They do not recognize open doors when they see them cause it looks like too much work. Although it is true that it is all about me, they have the right terminology without understanding. They need to supply their will, energy, and gift, as I supply the power. I want a partnership which incorporates a balance of the two mindsets.”
Consider: You can’t just talk about what God is going to do with you someday. It takes more than talk; it requires action. But it is impossible for you to do it all on your own, and God has chosen not to do it all on His own. It’s a team effort that necessitates you and God working together, walking hand in hand, day by day. That is why the path in the picture was a maze. You are not going to get a prophetic word, or personal revelation one day that will map out the rest of your life. If you have been looking to God to give you “THE BIG PLAN,” you are going to be sadly disappointed because God doesn’t work like that. He doesn’t give you a life strategy, all neat and organized that can serve as a map to use for the rest of your life. God gives you enough information for the next step of your journey, for the next turn in the maze. That’s it. God doesn’t want you running off, thinking that you know the way that you need to take. You’ll get yourself good and lost that way. God may give you the big picture, but for the details, for the “how’s” and the “whys,” you are going to need to go to Him on a daily basis. God wants you take Him by the hand, and walk with Him day by day. God wants you to seek His face, then His direction, and then His hand for His blessings. Don’t go off thinking that you HAVE to do it all, and don’t stand around waiting for God to do it all, but walk with Him hand and hand, working as a team.
Picture…Then God took me to another place in the garden, where there were several beds of roses. The fragrance was so sweet, and the colors were simply glorious. There seemed to be roses of every color and description. I have lived in a number of homes through the years and, with the exception our homes in the Philippines; I have planted a rose garden in every yard. I love roses. Nothing relaxes me more than tending my rose garden. I love having fresh roses in my home. I love their elegance and their delicate scent. But never had I seen such beautiful roses; the leaves were healthy and a vivid green, the petals were soft, fragrant and brilliant in color. The scene took my breath away. But then a gardener came along and started cutting the roses back, like one does in the late fall, way back. But the roses seemed in their prime, it seemed like the wrong time, and the cutting too extreme.
Hear…I exclaimed, “Lord, that stupid man is destroying the bushes. They are in their prime. Stop him.” But the Lord explained, “No, the gardener is just pruning away the selfishness. It must be done because although it’s beautiful now, all of the strength of the bush is going towards the blossoms. There is no root development. I have to cut it all back so the bush can grow stronger roots. That way the roses will last for more than one showy season. It will stand the test of time, storm, and adversity.
Consider: Why is it that it seems like just when things are going good, and momentum is building that God interrupts our season of blossoming, to introduce a season of pruning? It appears that just when things are starting to go smoothly something happens to make it all come skidding to a halt. I suppose that the reason is that God is in this for the long haul, so He is more interested in our development than in our comfort. Trusting God is more about our daily walk than the release of miracles. It is about trusting Him day by day even if our life seems to be falling apart. If God is God in the good, then we must accept that He is God in the bad. For it is in the bad, negative and difficult circumstances of life that God steps in to cut off the things that will hinder our progress later down the road. Pruning is not fun, but it is necessary.
"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. John 15:1-2 NIV
Picture…the last place in the garden to which the Lord directed me was a garden bed with small, struggling little flowers. A woman was bowed over them and she was watering them with her tears. I said, “Lord that is an awfully slow and difficult way to water plants.”
Hear…the Lord say, “The woman’s tears are not tears of tragedy or sorrow. She is not crying about anything of a personal nature at all. Her tears are actually tears of love and compassion, and they are being released through intercessory prayer. That is how my seed gets watered; it is through the tears of saints who cry not in misery about their own situations, but with my love for those struggling to survive.”
Consider: Now I don’t know where you fit in these three pictures. But I do know God is speaking to you in one of them today. You may have been trying to do everything on your own. Your speech may be littered with the phrase “I have to…” God wants you to know that it is NOT your responsibility. Your responsibility is to take God by the hand and allow Him to lead and strengthen you. Rest in Him. Seek His face. Whenever He gives you a directive, be sure to obey it with all of the strength and wisdom that he has given you. But that is it. You may have been sitting around just waiting for God to do something in your life, and in the process, you have been wasting it. He doesn’t want you to waste it anymore. He wants you to take him by the hand to daily walk with him, obeying every little thing. Do not wait for that big thing to come and drop into your lap. As the Chinese say, “The journey of 1,000 miles begins with the first step.” Step out NOW as God directs. You might be someone the Lord is trying to prune and you don’t like, you don’t like it one bit. Understand this; he is cutting you back for His good, as well as for your own. He is cutting back some of the selfish things that have been guiding your life. Everything was looking fine, but God is not interested in the fine that is only for the “right now.” He is looking for years of maturity and service and relationship with you. Some of the stuff that has to be cut off will seem painful, but it is for your good. Lastly, maybe you have wondered why you cry so much when you pray. Understand that it is God’s work in you. Don’t stop the tears. Allow them to flow freely through you with prayer and love and compassion. Those tears are nurturing God’s purposes and helping them to grow, not only in your own life, but also in countless millions who are in need at this present moment. So go ahead and have a “good” cry.
Pray: “
Lord, there is almost too much to take in right now. But I am mindful that you love me and you know exactly what I need to help me to grow. I give you permission to cut away anything that you need to cut away. I’ll stop screaming and hollering, and surrender to your gardening shears. I also want to say, “Yes” to the tears that you want me to cry, not for my own needs but for those who you deem it is needed. I recognize that there must be many, many people who need passionate intercessory prayer right at this minute. I’m sorry that I’ve been so focused on what is going wrong with me that I have failed to make myself available to you for this needed ministry of intercession. I don’t think that you needed to remind me that this life can sometimes be like a maze and a dangerous one at that. But obviously you do. So I ask that you help me to stay in balance in this whole area of service. I don’t want to run up ahead, and neither do I want to lag behind. I want to stay in step with you, day by day. I love you. In Jesus Name, Amen.”
"You are Here"
Yes, I know. It's been a long time since I last posted. In fact, I've been wondering if I should just shut this site down as it seems like I have too much on my plate to do it justice. But perhaps that's the reason why I should continue. Maybe there are those of you out there in cyberspace that are just as overwhelmed as I, and maybe my journey might be of some help you.
Since the first of the year, my mother had her third major surgery in a year and I traveled to Michigan to help in her recovery. I led a team of women on a mission's trip to Mindanao Philippines, and Manado Indonesia for Women's Conferences. I've been on the preaching team that rotates to all three of our campuses here in Chicagoland and Michiana. My husband started weekly team meetings that last for HOURS. My husband and I have started mentoring two different groups of men and women we feel have potential at future campus pastors. Had our annual Board of Directors meeting with the men of God who come in to advise my husband and I. Traveled back to Michigan to help my mother with things that she just can no longer do for herself. Had special services with Bishop Garlington and Bishop Tudor. Revamped the prayer room, helped my prayer director revamp the prayer ministry. Had a leadership meeting last Saturday for all of the leaders for all three campuses. With the help of my Heart to Heart Board of directors put on a women's retreat, and a women's tea to close the Heart to Heart season this past Wednesday. All of this while keeping up with a house full of family and a guest who has been living with us, working out 5 -6 days a week and maintaining, or trying to maintain my other pastoral and leadership responsibilities. Oh yes, we are preparing to take our family to Hawaii for my eldest son's
wedding, pictured here...and trying to figure out how on earth we can afford this and help my youngest son and daughter-in-law get their own house. And the funny thing is, my husband and I are team preaching this weekend about putting margins in life. Well, now, that was cathartic...probably TMI. But the reason I listed some of the "stuff" that's been going on in my life is to let you know I understand, really, if you are overwhelmed. I'm NOT using the word below to set my self up as a guru who knows it all and has it all under control. I believe the Lord gave it to me to first of all help me, and then those of you who are likewise struggling. I pray that it will be of help. Much love...chris
Picture…a map posted at an amusement park, with a red dot and lettering that says, “You are here.”
Hear…the Lord say, “Stop drifting in bewilderment and uncertainty. There is certainly much that is confusing in this life. But I do not want you to be overwhelmed by it. I want my children to walk in faith and certainty. I have given you clear demarcations. Go back to what you know to be true, and go from there.
Consider: Have you ever been to a new mall or been lost in an amusement park? It is impossible to get where you want to go unless you know where you are. That is why they have maps posted in different areas with those little red dots that indicate your present location. If you are lost, all you have to do is find one of those maps, discover your present location and then decide the best route to where you want to go. At times life is overwhelming, and even confusing. It’s like you are a pilot of a plane that is spinning out of control; it is hard to determine what is up and what is down, or what is right and what is wrong. It feels like you are lost, and you just don’t know where to go, what to say or what to do. If that is where you are today, then you need to find the map with the red dot. You have to go back to what you do know and stand firmly on that. Today I know that I love God and that God loves me; and because I know that, I also know that I am going to be able to find my way. What do you know? What is the one thing that you know for sure? Focus in on that in your time of disorientation and confusion and you will be able to find your way. But some of you are in such bad condition you are wondering if you know anything, if you can keep going, or even if you want to. Please stop! You are in a dangerous downward spiral, like that pilot in the plane that is spinning out of control. Stop. Stop reacting to circumstances. Stop focusing on what you can see and hear. If you could look beyond your present circumstances into the realm of the supernatural you would be able to see there are hosts on the left and on the right cheering you on and telling you, “Yes, you can make it.” There is a crowd round about you right now in the supernatural realm that is cheering and clapping, screaming and whistling. They are rooting for you, telling you that you can and will make it. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. You will find the map. You will find the dot. You will find where you are going. You will be victorious in Jesus name.
Pray: “Lord, I might be in a season that is discouraging, or at the least, disorienting, but I trust you. I love you and I know that you love me. Help me to get back to the basics. Help me to get back to what I know is true. Help me to find the demarcations that you have left plainly for me if I will only look. Guide my thoughts, my feelings and my actions for they determine my final destination... in Jesus Name, Amen.”
Pure Fire
It's been a while...I know...I'm sorry. Before we get to the picture from God, I want to share an e-mail I received and sent. I think it will put perspective to the picture you are about to receive.
Hi Ps Chris,I feel the need to share this, I just coming from 5 days conference in Malang, Surabaya-Part of Indonesia but different island. Me and my friend, we stay in Malang for 6 days to follow this conference. It’s an AWA-Apostolic Women Arising Conference. There’s lot of things we learn from this conference and mentoring sessions. They talk about convergence of Men and Women in partnership for the harvest and ministry. A ministry like H2H it’s one of the need in Indonesia, along this years I’ve been so hard working with youth without have a burden for the arising of woman, I don’t take attention or even not too care about woman, but entering this year, God had give me the burden for the woman. I don’t realize my 8 years ministering the youth, 80 % of the cases it’s about girls or ladies been abusing or raping since their child, broken home, drugs, alcoholic, homoseksual, ect Yes it’s time for women to arise, not to beat the man, but together, hand in hand with the authority God has given to us, we will rule the nations, like Deborah, Esther, Yael and other woman in the Bible, taking dominion according to Genesis 1:26-28. God bless!
Love and pray,Deisy
WOW Deisy!!! All I can say is WOW!!! I’ve been in a very busy and stressful season. That is the reason I have not had to opportunity to read or respond to this e-mail until now. However, I must tell you that it was right in God’s timing. Today as I was driving, I was talking to the Lord about how tired I was, physically, spiritually and emotionally. I’m being honest and transparent when I tell you that part of the prayer was asking God for direction. I told Him that it seems like there is so much to do here at the churches in Chicago, that maybe I missed His will when I started Heart to Heart. When I’m tired, my defenses weaken and the enemy is able to plant doubts. As I cried out to the Lord, I voiced all of those doubts. At times it seems that I do so many different things, that I am not able to do any of them really well. That was the focus of my prayer. God, should I drop something, specifically my world vision for Heart to Heart? Was this really your will, or was it just a personal desire? I only have enough energy and strength for His will…not personal plans
When I sat down at my home computer, I thought…okay…I have to catch up on some of these e-mails. There is so much to do…but I can’t put the e-mails off any longer. When I opened up your e-mail I just wept. God used your e-mail to reaffirm in my h
eart that the global vision for Heart to Heart is needed, it is God’s will. I realize I still need to find something to cut from my life, but I know that it can’t be H2H. Thank you for being so sensitive to the Spirit of God and writing your heart. I have told you this before, but I believe this VERY STRONGLY, that God put us together. There was a reason you were my interpreter. There was a reason you came to me after the last session to ask more about H2H. I truly believe that God is going to use that connection to impact the women of Indonesia. Keep us in your prayers as we pursue God’s purposes globally.
Did you sense Deisy's passion? Did you notice how it helped rekindle my own? If you have let the fire of your passion cool, I encourage you to get around someone who's passion for the things of God can fan the flame of your own. Burn Baby, Burn!
Picture…molten rock moving slowly down a path consuming everything in its way. People are trying to stop the lava, by putting up barricades, but nothing stops the lava until it reached the shoreline.
Hear…the Lord say, “The molten rock represents my people of passion. Nothing can stop them because their heart is pure and on fire for me. They will fulfill the purposes for which I have sent them. Nothing is going to stop them from the course that they have set in order to fulfill my purposes.
Consider: Passion is born when God calls you and says, “Look. This is a need.” You see the need, you know you can fill the need, and deep in your heart you know that your life will never be the same. Passion is not something we have to go in search of. We search for God. When we seek to be intimately connected with him, He will use the desires of our heart, the circumstances of our life, and His confirming Word to solidify and reveal the passion. The passion that I am talking about is not just a feeling. Feelings can be acted upon if it is convenient. Passion MUST be acted upon! Passion’s roots run deep and are wrapped around deep-rooted beliefs. These convictions are the difference between a feeling that goes up in flames quickly and an eternal fiery bush that burns, yet is not consumed. Passion is not something you can walk away from, because it is a part of you. I believe God places a calling on each of our lives. Passion is a gift from God to empower you. Passion is pure motivation sent through pure means to accomplish pure results the will glorify God and meet the needs of people.
Pray: “Lord, you know passion. You displayed it on the cross. Help me to identify the passion that you have already placed within my heart. I realize that I have dubbed it as ‘wants’ and ‘desires’ until this point, but help me to see what it really is, embers that when fanned will burst into flames that move me into action. I’m obviously not talking about any wants and desires that I may have for myself. I am asking you to help me to identify the passionate purpose that you created me to fulfill and then to fan the flames of it in my heart. I don’t want to be lukewarm. I want to be red hot for you. Ignite within me a passion for you and a passion for your purposes. I already love you, but I want to love you more. I want that love to be pure and strong so that my motivations will also be pure and strong. In Jesus Name, Amen.”
Sometimes the Lord speaks so clearly, so distinctly, that there is no question in my mind what He wants to say to me or through me. However, there are other times when it takes a series of events coming together to set off the light bulb in my head. A convergence of experiences, conversations, memories and/or teachings come together to give me that, “Oh, I get it” moment. This week I had one of those eureka moments.
It all started with our Heart to Heart mission’s trip to the Philippines and Indonesia. We flew from Chicago to Los Angeles to Hong Kong to South Korea to Manila, Philippines. We had an eight hour layover in Manila before our flight to Davao City on the island of Mindanao where our first conference was going to be held. Through a mutual friend we had heard of a British woman by the name of Jane Walker who was doing amazing ministry in the dump sites of Manila. Exhausted with little or no sleep and we prepared to meet Jane, see her work and then get back on another plane to our destination. Little did we know that this “lay over” would be a life changing experience.
Jane, a new believer, business woman and single mother took a trip to the Philippines in 1996 and witnessed how children and families live and work in the dumpsite in Tondo. These courageous families wrestle with abject poverty to survive. The sites grabbed Jane’s heart, and she made a promise that should would not turn her back on these children but try to
bring some hope and happiness in their lives. She could not go back to business as usual. She first took us to the school she established and explained how her organization, the Philippine Christian Foundation have a health and nutrition program, adult literacy program as well as a school which runs from pre-school to grade 4 in several areas of the Philippines as well as help provide spiritual care, livelihood and skills training for adults and programs for family and community enhancement. It was wonderful hearing about all of her programs, but jet lag was doing a number on me, and I was struggling to stay alert. It wasn’t until she gave each of us a set of boots and then took us to the dump site and then to the cemetery where thousands of people live in poverty beyond my ability to describe, that I fully understood what this wonderful woman was doing. Missions trips have taken me all over the world, and I lived for a time in the Philippines, but never, never had I seen anything like it. I watched Jane love on children most would cross the street to avoid. I listened then, really listened to her heart, and I knew I was in the presence of a saint.
That was just the beginning of our trip. We went on to meet, love on and mi
nister to women in Davao City and in Manado, Indonesia. It was a trip of a lifetime. But soon we were all back in Chicago, trying to get caught up on work here. I was back to studying, preaching, teaching, having meetings and organizing programs. But one day while I was in a Bible bookstore I picked up Bill Hybel’s newest book “Holy Discontent”…Fueling the Fire that Ignites Personal Vision. I don’t know why I did. I certainly wasn’t looking for something else to read or do. In the first chapter Bill reminds us of an old cartoon character, Popeye the Sailor man. I know I’m dating myself, but I remember the character quite clearly from my youth. He had a girlfriend by the name of Olive Oil. Yes, a terrible name for a woman that had the figure of a stick bug. Inevitably, Olive Oil would get herself in trouble. At first Popeye would just watch as she got herself deeper and deeper in trouble, but eventually he would blurt out the words, “That’s all I can stand, and I can’t stands no more!” Then he would go into action to save the day and the girl.
What moves you? Agitates you? Frustrates you? Brings tears to your eyes when you pray? What subject makes you move your hands while you talk? What things keep you awake at night? If you know, you might have found your God call. Just remember…that God’s call will be about other people. If personal problems are keeping you awake at night, then you need to turn them over to God in prayer. But if it is the needs of people that is causing sleeplessness…then you have identified the purpose for which you were born, just like Jane.
I’m still struggling with my work load. Last week it seemed like I was never going to catch up. I was overwhelmed, stressed and emotionally exhausted. I received one problem e-mail after another until I just snapped. I couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t do it any more. After I went through an emotional melt down, I went to the Lord in prayer…but received no answer, no help. Have you ever been there?
After several days of whining prayers, I finally had it. I yelled at God. “What’s up?! What’s going on here?!” God reminded me about Jane, and Popeye and then turned the question back to me. “What’s up?! What’s going on here?!” I have to change. There is a call on my life for the hurting women of the world, but I have so many things on my plate I can’t focus on the one thing you have called me to do. It’s evaluation time in my life. It’s easy for me to add ministry to my life, but it is really hard to let go. I worry about who will take up the slack? What will people think? Is this really what God wants me to do? But I believe I’m finally at the place where the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of changing.
What about you? Have you identified God’s call on your life? Are you pursuing it with your whole heart? Or are you wrapped up in so many things that God’s call is on a back burner. Are you at the place where you can say with Popeye, “That’s all I can stand, and I can’t stands no more!” If you are…congratulations. It’s time for change. It’s time for God’s purposes. It’s time you to step out and step out…just like me.
If you want to know more about Jane Walker’s ministry…her website is
http://www.pcf.ph/ and her e-mail is
jane@p-c-f.org
"Heaven"
We woke up to an alarm at 3:30 a.m. in Milado, Indonesia and 41 hours
later arrived home. Our Heart to Heart missions' team arrived home safe, emotionally and physically drained, exhausted beyond words, but full of what God had done in us and through us while we were away. Unfortunately, all 12 suitcases for our team were lost...but we are thankful to be home. I think everyone mentioned something about hamburgers when we arrived at O'Hare airport at 4:50 a.m. Girls, did you get your hamburgers? This is us at midnight in Hong Kong waiting for our overdue flight...
How can I even begin to describe our mission's trip? Impacting, awesome, draining, exhilarating, stretching, anointed, devastating and life changing doesn't even b
egin to describe it. We left Chicago Thursday afternoon, stopped in L.A., Korea, and Hong Kong before arriving in Manila, Philippines for a 5 hour layover and a visit with Jane (more about her in a later blog) and her ministry in the dumps and a cemetery...yes cemetery where THOUSANDS of people live. I've seen a lot of sights in my 53 years and travels around the world, but never have I seen such hopelessness, such poverty, such abject suffering as I did that day. Nor seen such beautiful smiles. I've never met a true, honest to goodness hero before, but I have now. Jane's tenaciousness, compassion, vision and courage in reaching the destitute left me breathless...our whole team breathless. And that was just the beginning of the trip. We flew on to Davao to begin our Pastors/Women's Ministry Conference after a very short night's sleep.
For three days all of us poured into the women of the Philippines. We sang, loved, taught, testified, preached and prayed until there nothing left of us, only Jesus. He came throug
h in such an awesome way...hearts were healed, hope restored, vision cast, prophetic words given and friends made. The day after the conference closed we went to the Children's Circus, a children's' ministry reaching the poorest region of Davao. The smiles and hugs we received was one of the highlights of our trip. Then off to the orphanage and afterwards a few hours of down time which my team took advantage of to shop. We had a blast. The next day we worshiped and ministered in the Releaser of Life Church. It's a wonderful church in Davao and I believe the pastors there, which I now consider friends will also be strategic ministry partners for the future.
The next day we flew to Manado, Indonesia to start all over...this time through inte
rpreters. It started off really slow...like they were going to watch us a bit to see if we were real. But by the middle of the second day we were hugging, crying, smiling and rejoicing together. There was such a wonderful breakthrough. I can't even find words to describe. Of course, it's been about 50 hours now with only 4 hours sleep, but even with adequate rest, I don't think that I would be able to describe the love we felt from the Indonesian women at that conference. Our hearts were knit to theirs...and we again made friendships that I believe will prove strategic for future ministry of
Heart to Heart. The managers of the hotel where we stayed were wonderful people...the wife, Ruth, a Filippina became a true sister of our heart. And I believe we will be working with her through out the world. God is so good...so awesome...the women we've met, ministered to and ministered with will never be forgotten. The power of the Holy Spirit working through us for those two weeks will humble me for some time to come. The poverty, richness, sacrifice and dedication of those we met has changed us, reshaped us and made us better women.
So no pictures from heaven today. Just pictures from our trip...although there were moments when I thought I was in heaven. Enjoy!
Bandaid
Hey...how are you all doing? How was your Christmas? How was your New Years? Did you enjoy the Super Bowl? Obviously, it's been some time since I've written and we have a lot of catching up to do. Let me know how you are doing. I'm about to tell you about me...
Stress has taken on a whole new meaning as this year came crashing through. My mother had another major surgery and I needed, wanted to take a couple weeks to take care of her. I've preached at our Shorewood, South Bend and Tinley Campuses. I've created a whole new curriculum for Heart to Heart our International Ministry for women. Worked with our Board of Director to get H2H non-profit. Kicked of the new H2H term, kicked of the promotion for our H2H retreat. Videoed the first three lessons, and written the first four. I've stepped up the ole exercising thing, have a trainer and everything. Taken care of family, my house has never been so full. What happened to empty nest? But the biggest responsibility of all was preparing a team of H2H women to go with me to the Philippines and Indonesia. That included training, creating a devotion book, ordering pens with H2H logo on them, buying toys and gifts for the orphanage and oh yes, writting out 9 lessons. This morning I was up at 4:30 for it's our last day at home and our last training session and I found out that I had lost my file with all of the updates of the lessons from this week. I've been putting in 14 hour days to get it done and you can probably imagine my response when the computer, rather the computer demon lost it. My response had tears, screams and hyperventilating as my husband calmly kept telling me. Chris, it's not lost. It's there somewhere. But 2 1/2 hours later, my husband, daughter and our church IT guy confirmed what I knew in those first paniced moments...its gone. I went ahead with the 3 hour training breakfast. I even managed to stop my tears long enough to make the breakfast. We eat, planned, prepared and prayed. Some prayed more effectively than others. I really wasn't into it. Yes, I was upset at God. Stupid thing, I know. It was something that I did when I was exhausted I'm sure. But I was thinking to myself, couldn't the Holy Spirit nudged me and said, "na na na"? The good news is that after everyone left and I went to my computer to try to recreate everything, God settled my heart and mind enough that I was able to work. But just a few moments ago when I finally called it quits, I asked God why I initially handled the situation so badly. His answer was a question, "How's been your praise life?" And I admitted to something He already knew, it has been non-existent... So I stopped and praised. But before I put on my out of office, gone to the Philippines and Indonesia sign, I thought I would stop and share my life, and more importantly, much more importantly this word. I pray that it blesses you.
Picture…I saw a picture of a man sitting on a medical table like you see in most doctors’ offices with a wounded knee. Although it wasn’t very serious, no amputating required, the whole knee was badly scraped, bleeding and raw. There was a nurse trying to cleanse the wound before bandaging, but she was called away. The man impatient to be on his way, found a box of Band-Aids. He found the smallest one in the box and tried to cover the wound with it. It was ridiculous. I was ready to tell the man, get the biggest bandage in the place, that little bitty Band-Aid is not going to help you a bit, when the Lord surprised me.
Hear…the Lord say, “ When wounded, you must worship in proportion to the size of the wound to cover it with my grace so that it can heal.”
Consider: I was surprised because I really never thought about worship in regards to healing of personal wounds. I know that at times worship is an act of faith and it can also be a weapon, but I never considered it as part of a healing regiment. But it makes sense. Worship covers the wound while healing agents of forgiveness, solitude, or changing of attitudes and mindsets are applied. Since it protects us while the healing is taking place it only makes sense that you need to worship in proportion to the size and depth of the wound. If it is a shallow wound, easily mended, a small amount of worship is all that is required. But if your heart feels like it is breaking, and it hurts so bad its difficult to breathe, then you are going to need to worship God in proportion to that hurt. The more you hurt, the more you need to worship HIM. Now I know this sounds impossible to anyone who is presently hurting, because worship is the last thing you probably feel like doing right now. If you are like me, all you want to do is cry, be alone in the dark or hit someone hard in the nose. But I truly believe that you need to push through your personal suffering until you reach Christ’s suffering. Worship Him with everything that is within you. Worship Him in proportion to your need. As you worship, you will find the healing mercy of God applied to your wound. God knows that you are hurting; he is right there beside you, waiting to minister grace and hope as you worship him. God wants to heal your wounds and change it from something that is hindering you to the very thing that is going to promote you in his kingdom.
However, others do not cause all wounds. Some wounds are caused by what we have done. If you have repented and asked God to forgive you, but for some reason you can’t forgive yourself, it’s probably destroying you. You are being robbed of peace, joy, contentment and hope. Hear the Lord as he speaks to you right now. “My blood has already covered the failure. My blood has already covered the sin. I love you, I have already forgiven you and I am standing here waiting to embrace you. Just worship me and release the shame and the hurt that has been attached to the memory.”
You may not be in pain today. God may be calling you to be a mender of broken hearts and wounded spirits. Even though you are probably already aware that God wants you to touch hurting people, you may be struggling with what to say or what to do. Although you are attracted to the hurting, to a certain extent, they also frighten you because of your uncertainty. What the Lord wants you to understand today is that there is nothing special that you need to do or say. Sometimes our words get in the way. All that you need to do is be aware. That’s it. That’s all you have to do. He will do the rest. Be aware that the person that you bump into on the train, or slide by in the aisles of church might be someone to whom God is sending you. When you sense God’s gentle nudge, stop. Stop what you are doing and focus on that person. Allow God to direct you in what you need to do or say. It could be as simple as a smile, hug or embrace. It could be a scripture or a word of encouragement. But mostly God just wants to love on them through you.
Prayer: “Lord, I love you and I appreciate you stopping my day to tell me how much you love me and want to minister to my wounded condition. Thank you that you are aware of each and every hurt. I am amazed that you can actually take these hurts and turn them into something that will give you praise, be for my good, and kick the devil in the shins all at the same time. But I understand that is what can happen when I worship you through the difficulty and pain. I love you. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for allowing evil men to torture your body so that your blood could flow freely to my wounds today. I receive your healing right now in Jesus Name. I let go of the hurt. I let go of the past. I also promise to be aware of your gentle nudge as you bring other hurting people into my path. I know from personal experience that people don’t need a lecture; they just need love. So allow your love to flow through me to others. Help me to be a conduit of your compassion and your grace. In Jesus Name, Amen.”
